• All - as you will understand, the forum is exceptionally busy at this time. The admins and moderators simply don't have time to read every post in every thread. Could you PLEASE use the "Report" option below a post to flag any content that you feel we need to be aware of. We'll review everything reported as a priority and deal with it accordingly. Thank you.

João Carvalho

Statto

Statto

Free Kick Specialist
Chappers85 said:
I don't know if unemployed footballers have to make themselves a CV, but if they did I think his may read something like this:

I am applying for the role of Attacking Midfielder as I have both the personal attributes and professional experience required to be successful in the position, provided you can assure there will be 9 other outfield players that can do my hard work for me, and stop the opposition from tackling me. As a flair player with experience of playing in both the English Championship and Greek Super League, I recently achieved European success with Olympiacos playing the pivotal role of 4th choice number 10. Despite achieving the aforementioned European title, my greatest achievement would be my Man of the Match performance against Middlesbrough in a 2019 dead rubber, which even Martin O'Neil could not criticise. My greatest strength would be appearing to be so anonymous that I am almost invisible to the human eye, allowing me to do something really flashy once every five or six games, which occasionally may lead to a goal scoring opportunity.

Much like a deity, I thrive off belief and therefore it is essential that all of your fans worship me. Any non-believers fans not enthusiastically praising my abilities, should be accused of being heretics dinosaurs as they do not understand modern football. I previously commanded a transfer fee of thirteen million pounds, and I am now available for free! Therefore, I would be an excellent acquisition for [insert club name here], and you must take this opportunity now. I am available to stroll around a football pitch at your convenience.

References:
Aitor Karanka - former manager.
Connor (13 from Sneinton) - President of the Joao Carvalho Fanclub who was said I was "the best player I've ever seen at The City Ground, even better than Barrie McKay!"
Click to expand...
Lol Connor
 
Alf-engelos Mindminackers

Alf-engelos Mindminackers

The Artiste formally known as "Wanksy"
Just looked, and his all-time first team domestic goal scoring record comes in with a grand total of.....TEN :ROFLMAO: :ROFLMAO: :ROFLMAO: :ROFLMAO: :ROFLMAO:

****inghell, the level we were had to by Mendes here is just so off the charts I can't do anything but respect him.
 
Erik

Erik

oopsy daisy!
LTLF Minion
Haych said:
He’s shite and people assumed he was class because we spent a fortune on him and refused to accept he wasn’t good enough.
Click to expand...
We used to moan like anything when we'd play League 1 clogger Yates, who was never going to make it as a professional footballer whilst he had a hole in his bum over the gifted Carvalho who had more talent in his toenail than Yates would ever have in his whole body and Yates would never get anywhere just with hard work.

Goes to show just how wrong we can be.
 
Dogtitius

Dogtitius

huge linda cardellini fan
Strummer said:
Goalkeeper, and he was rubbish.
Click to expand...

Two years prior him we had a proper keeper, Dorus de Vries. What a f***ing guy.

Then a maniac from the balkans.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
Alf-engelos Mindminackers

Alf-engelos Mindminackers

The Artiste formally known as "Wanksy"
And whilst we're all on a high, let's congratulate our old wonderkid for scoring his first goal at his new club...

2eEurm3.png
 
MaxiRobriguez

MaxiRobriguez

Bob McKinlay
Hasn't he been at Estoril for a few years now?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom