I own a garden centre in Wollaton and Des used to come in quite a bit when he played for us, he hadn't been in for ages and I asked the guy who I get to manage the place if they'd seen him recently and they replied they hadn't and had heard he'd moved to Ireland, anyway he owed us some money for a Gazebo and 2 steamer chairs that he brought a while ago so I tried to track him down and hit a similar brick wall to the OP in terms of tracking Des down but eventually I got his address and he'd brought a lovely rural cottage in county Cork, where he loved nothing more than a nice long lie down in the fields. I went out as there was a garden fayre out there as well so 2 birds 1 stone and all that, at the fayre there was a load of compost for sale and it was a fantastic trade price so I started picking some up but I was warned that it was all natural and so therefore there could be all sorts of stuff left in the compost, anyway long story short I picked up one of the bags and heard some shouting from it that sounded a lot like "I was only lying in the fields, I've been doing it for ages, you all know that!" Turns out you'll never peat Des Walker.
I saw Des, a couple of weeks ago.
I came home from work late and found in bed giving Mrs_Congo a right good seeing to.
When he saw me come in the door, he bolted. I felt the rage sweep up inside me. I grabbed the nearest thing to me, which just happened to be an emergency fire axe and chased him down the street.
I was having trouble keeping up with him. It turns out, the stories were very wrong and even now, his legs most definetly have not gone, as I consider myself quite fit.
Anyway, just I started closing in on him, he regained control of the bedsheet which was hiding his modesty and accelerated away from me again, just as we reached the town centre.
As our chase took us past my local Mexican restaurant, the owner looked out the window and, seeing what was going on, shouted after me...
"Hey...loco gringo...you weel never spleeeet Des Walker!"
As if you have a Mexican restaurant in Peterborough. You are such a liar Ian.