The Dog Ate My Homework

[jimbo]

ok, new game.

Its make belive time.
The idea is you have to come up with the most unlikely sauce you can for some info, but the story has to be interesting, for example the one in the billy sharp/whittingham thread about the kid and the mobile phone ect...

 

[jimbo]

for example...

I was in the IT department this morning when I saw one of the lads had his remote service software running. On the screen was displayed an email from Kevin Blackwell to Mark Arthur saying - take him, I never liked the little f***er anyway...

read into this what you may...

 

[DanR]

When I poured my Shreddies into the bowl this morning they formed a similar appearance to Neil Danns. Therefore he must be signing.

 

[jimbo]

come on Dan, you can be funnier than that... I know you can!

 

[DanR]

come on Dan, you can be funnier than that... I know you can!

f*** off, that's true! I can't wait till I get home, my wife says there are some stains on our tea towel that look like that lad from Motherwell.

 

[jimbo]

when I opened my bag of skips, the name Mills whispered on the wind...

 

[Special Agent Dale Cooper]

my new denim shorts are slightly too big, I ask my missus and she said disagreed saying "the legs are ok they are fine." i said, "the legs are fine but look at the crotch its baggi-o"

Oh God what have I done?

 

[TheDude]

i think i might of seen Dexter Blackstock driving through Bulwell the other week therefore he is signing for Real Bulwell

 

[king_congo_red]

When I was in the toilets at work earlier, having a rather significant dump, I noticed that someone had scribbled on the back of the door I (heart) Dane.
I thought for some time about the significance of this, whilst continuing to squeeze the waste from my sphincter.
As I left the cubicle and began washing my hand, the cleaning lady knocked on the door and enquired if anyone was in. I replied that I was, but I was only washing my hands so she'd be safe to enter. As she did so, I pointed out the graffiti and discussed it's significance with her. We both were in agreement that the Heart shape was a reference to Paul Hart, who was recently almost appointed as a director at Notts County. The 'Dane' in question, must have been referring to their most recent custodian, Kasper Schmeichel, as the only Danish player on their books.
Therefore, forest will shortly be announcing the signing of said Schmeichel.

 

[Tutts]

Saw the Tyre fitters next to me taking in their stock order for the week.

Noticed some pretty hugger hummer wheels being taken in for a special order.

The guy there said they were for a new Reading signing, some short Welsh guy.

This is just what I was told so don't blame me if it isn't true.

 

[Lew.]

Saw the Tyre fitters next to me taking in their stock order for the week.

Noticed some pretty hugger hummer wheels being taken in for a special order.

The guy there said they were for a new Reading signing, some short Welsh guy.

This is just what I was told so don't blame me if it isn't true.

Earnie doesn't use his Hummer any more.

Well I ain't seen it in the players car park

 

[Beasty]

Heard it from a whisper from a man in Tescos in the fresh veg aisle that Joe Garner is on his way out.

 

[Gary]

I bought some grapes from ASDA in Nottingham yesterday. When I arrived home, I was shocked to find a tarantula just sat in there. First thing that happened - I shit myself.

Following the clean up, I arrived downstairs to find the spider sat there still. I wrapped up the open grape packet in clingfilm and stormed back to ASDA in anger.

When I arrived at the reception, I undid the clingfilm and lo, the spider was still sat there. It may have died, I don't know. In the middle of yelling at the poor receptionist for a) the tarantula and b) not being able to foot the cleaning bill for my pants, I got a tap on the shoulder from a guy dressed in pest control gear. He told me that it was a Barking Spider found mainly in Perth, Australia and that he'd been searching for it all week following a mishap at the airport where a crate had broken and released several creatures being imported by a football player, who owned them as pets.

He pointed out that the spider had been implanted by a microchip - he scanned it through the self checkouts and the owners name and address appeared as "Mr R Fowler, 54 Kings Park Road, West Perth, Australia".

He thanked me for finding him and he told me I should come over to his house for dinner with Robbie and his wife Pauline.

I was told his address and I drove past his new house in Macclesfield. Funnily enough, he was outside talking to Chris Cohen. I wound the window down and caught the tailend of their conversation, which if I recall correctly was something like "See you on Tuesday for training, I'll introduce you to Charlie and Peter, who you'll be working with very closely."

I was driving at 35mph, so couldn't quite catch it all.

Needless to say, it appears we're signing Robbie Fowler, Whittingham and Austin!

 

[DapperDan]

I don't like this thread.

 

[ShakeyRed]

f*** off, that's true! I can't wait till I get home, my wife says there are some stains on our tea towel that look like that lad from Motherwell.

Are you sure she didn't say "there are some stains on our tea towel left by that lad from Motherwell"
because that would have been a much funnier story

 

[Alvar Hanso]

I work in Hill Valley. This morning I saw what looked like a young Michael J Fox throw a book in a bin. I retrieved the book, which turned out to be a Sports Almanac from the future. I've had a quick flick through and we're going to swap Chris Cohen for Michael Ballack next year.

Anyway, I'm just passing on what I've been told. If you don't like it you can take it up with my Dad.

 

[Daniel]

The thread is as entertaining as a Wayne Rooney performance in the World Cup!!!

 

[Gary]

I work in Hill Valley. This morning I saw what looked like a young Michael J Fox throw a book in a bin. I retrieved the book, which turned out to be a Sports Almanac from the future. I've had a quick flick through and we're going to swap Chris Cohen for Michael Ballack next year.

Anyway, I'm just passing on what I've been told. If you don't like it you can take it up with my Dad.

lol, we have a winnar.

 

[Flaggers]

The thread is as entertaining as the World Cup!!!

Better...

 

[Ravi]

I've just come back from holiday in Dubai or the USA (I was so pissed the whole time I'm not sure where I was). Anyway, at the weekend I was sunbathing on the beach when I realised the guy just infront of me was Billy Davies. At one point he was talking to someone on his mobile and started punching the air shouting "Yes! I knew we could get him. That's great news! So that's all the plan A's in the bag. When are we announcing the other three signings? Later this week..ok..great".

 

[jkn_93]

I had a shit earlier, I named it Savage

 

[Victor Moses]

I bought some grapes from ASDA in Nottingham yesterday. When I arrived home, I was shocked to find a tarantula just sat in there. First thing that happened - I shit myself.

Following the clean up, I arrived downstairs to find the spider sat there still. I wrapped up the open grape packet in clingfilm and stormed back to ASDA in anger.

When I arrived at the reception, I undid the clingfilm and lo, the spider was still sat there. It may have died, I don't know. In the middle of yelling at the poor receptionist for a) the tarantula and b) not being able to foot the cleaning bill for my pants, I got a tap on the shoulder from a guy dressed in pest control gear. He told me that it was a Barking Spider found mainly in Perth, Australia and that he'd been searching for it all week following a mishap at the airport where a crate had broken and released several creatures being imported by a football player, who owned them as pets.

He pointed out that the spider had been implanted by a microchip - he scanned it through the self checkouts and the owners name and address appeared as "Mr R Fowler, 54 Kings Park Road, West Perth, Australia".

He thanked me for finding him and he told me I should come over to his house for dinner with Robbie and his wife Pauline.

I was told his address and I drove past his new house in Macclesfield. Funnily enough, he was outside talking to Chris Cohen. I wound the window down and caught the tailend of their conversation, which if I recall correctly was something like "See you on Tuesday for training, I'll introduce you to Charlie and Peter, who you'll be working with very closely."

I was driving at 35mph, so couldn't quite catch it all.

Needless to say, it appears we're signing Robbie Fowler, Whittingham and Austin!

only 1 small problem with this (although otherwise thoroughly believeable rumour), ASDA's grapes are from South Africa!

 

[Marshall.]

I was watching Corrie earlier and I saw David Platt talk to Nick Tisley about Nick's job in Nottingham. David Platt is going to be Billy's replacement.

 

[Ravi]

Ok own up. Who posted this??

04 Jul 2010 00:17:23
I was at the city ground earlier today for the clearance sale, i went to the old club shop thinking it was there and then i turned round in the Main stand carpark. as i did i saw wilson get into his car and drive off so i decided to wait around. I saw the goalkeeper coach, paul smith, kelvin wilson and anderson in total i also saw someone who i didn't recognise but after looking at photos on the intenet

it appears to be wittingham.

Kelvin wilson and paul smith drive black audi 4x4s
anderson drives a white audi quatro