May not be the best moderator on LTLF, but he's...
LTLF Minion
I recently spilled some gravy, custard, lard, egg, blood, a couple of grass stains and then wiped all those up, followed by a spillage of ribena, using newly bought white shirt.
Unfortunately, this was after I'd just mixed-wash-disastered-it with a red sock.
...and before I was caught short with a terrible case of vomiting, and had no cloth.
...followed by diarrhoea.
The resulting shirt, however, is considerably more attractive than the current away shirt.