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  1. #1
    Senior Member
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    Default Have you ever felt "such a tw@t"?

    Today whilst at a garden centre with my wife and mother...

    I fell down a step I thought was there but wasn't there. I felt such a tw@t.


  2. # ADS
    Circuit advertisement
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  3. #2
    Wallbanger
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    Default Re: Have you ever felt "such a tw@t"?

    Daily


  4. #3
    Where's me hammer?
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    Default Re: Have you ever felt "such a tw@t"?

    Yeah it's a daily occurrence, my party piece is falling off curbs whilst walking down the street.

    Sent from my SM-J415FN using Tapatalk


  5. #4
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    Default Re: Have you ever felt "such a tw@t"?

    Quote Originally Posted by Barry View Post
    Yeah it's a daily occurrence, my party piece is falling off curbs whilst walking down the street.

    Sent from my SM-J415FN using Tapatalk



  6. #5
    Sexual Tyrannosaurus
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    Default Re: Have you ever felt "such a tw@t"?

    Felt plenty of twats in my time

    "Ive only met Andy....last week actually and can confirm he is in 2nd place in sexiest fucker on here stakes." -Barry

  7. #6
    Senior Mass Debater
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    Default Re: Have you ever felt "such a tw@t"?

    I noticed once I got past 60 that I lost the ability to prevent a fall if I tripped on something. Strange sensation when you know you are falling and can't prevent it, yet it all happens in slow motion.


  8. #7
    Miserable bastard
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    Default Re: Have you ever felt "such a tw@t"?

    At a works Christmas do, several pints in...I walked into the Ladies Toilets instead of the Gents, in eyeshot of the group I had been conversing with. Literally no chance of styling it out or pretending it didn't happen.


  9. #8
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    Default Re: Have you ever felt "such a tw@t"?

    Quote Originally Posted by Joao CarvAndy!ho View Post
    Felt plenty of twats in my time
    I predicted to myself that you would post a comment like this.

    I wasn't disappointed.


  10. #9
    Left Winger
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    Default Re: Have you ever felt "such a tw@t"?

    I was tempted to post something similar, but then realised Andy would inevitably beat me to it?

    „I believe in socialism because it seems more humanitarian, rather than every man for himself and 'I'm alright jack' and all those arsehole businessmen with all the loot. I made up my mind from viewing society from that angle. That's where I'm from and there's where I've made my decisions from. That's why I believe in socialism“

    — Joe Strummer

  11. #10
    Senior Member
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    Default Re: Have you ever felt "such a tw@t"?

    Quote Originally Posted by Polly View Post
    Daily
    Same.


  12. #11
    Massive Member
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    Default Re: Have you ever felt "such a tw@t"?

    Walked up behind my mate slapped his arse and called him a c**t. Turns out it wasn't my mate

    Sent from my SM-A405FN using Tapatalk


  13. #12
    Account removed
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    Default Re: Have you ever felt "such a tw@t"?

    Quote Originally Posted by Carlos View Post
    Walked up behind my mate slapped his arse and called him a c**t. Turns out it wasn't my mate

    Sent from my SM-A405FN using Tapatalk


    Thank God it's not just me.


  14. #13
    Massive Member
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    Default Re: Have you ever felt "such a tw@t"?

    Held hands with a petite blonde presuming it was my mrs. Turns out it wasn't, my mrs was behind me. Luckily we all found it funny including my victims 6 foot 7 fella

    Sent from my SM-A405FN using Tapatalk


  15. #14
    Massive Member
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    Default Re: Have you ever felt "such a tw@t"?

    Chucked a pint of cider and black over one of the local hard mens brand spanking white polo. Luckily his mates laughed before he reached for me

    Sent from my SM-A405FN using Tapatalk


  16. #15
    Massive Member
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    Default Re: Have you ever felt "such a tw@t"?

    Worst I ever did was walk into the careers office to sign up for the marines. Luckily I realised the Navy was the actual elite force

    Sent from my SM-A405FN using Tapatalk


  17. #16
    Left Winger
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    Default Re: Have you ever felt "such a tw@t"?

    Quote Originally Posted by Carlos View Post
    Worst I ever did was walk into the careers office to sign up for the marines. Luckily I realised the Navy was the actual elite force

    Sent from my SM-A405FN using Tapatalk
    Could’ve been worse I suppose, you probably dodged a bullet there (literally).


  18. #17
    Massive Member
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    Default Re: Have you ever felt "such a tw@t"?

    Quote Originally Posted by Strummer View Post
    Could’ve been worse I suppose, you probably dodged a bullet there (literally).
    At least I spelt my name right on the forms! Otherwise I would have ended up in the Army

    Sent from my SM-A405FN using Tapatalk


  19. #18
    Senior Member
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    Default Re: Have you ever felt "such a tw@t"?

    Quote Originally Posted by Carlos View Post
    Walked up behind my mate slapped his arse and called him a c**t. Turns out it wasn't my mate

    Sent from my SM-A405FN using Tapatalk



  20. #19
    Senior Member
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    Default Re: Have you ever felt "such a tw@t"?

    I once slipped on ice getting out of my car in front of a crowd of people. Tried to smoothly turn it into an intentional moonwalk. Not sure I pulled it off.


  21. #20
    Wallbanger
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    Default Re: Have you ever felt "such a tw@t"?

    100% true story

    When I was 18 I somehow managed to get a date with the prettiest girl in the sixth form

    We arranged to go see Blade II (crap film but who cares when you're sat with the best looking girl in Dayncourt?)

    Anyway what I intended to text was "are you on Orange"? (Orange Wednesdays, yes I know, I was a foolish teenage cheapskate)

    However what I actually texted was "are you an orange?"

    There was no second date


  22. #21
    Left Winger
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    Default Re: Have you ever felt "such a tw@t"?

    Quote Originally Posted by Carlos View Post
    At least I spelt my name right on the forms! Otherwise I would have ended up in the Army

    Sent from my SM-A405FN using Tapatalk
    There is that as well.


  23. #22
    Senior Doom Monger
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    Default Re: Have you ever felt "such a tw@t"?

    At Uni, as a "Fresher" I was in the Uni-favoured pub.
    Girl starts holding her face with one hand and shouting "Help, I've just dropped my contact lens".
    Being a helpful sort of dumbass I was first down on my knees searching, and last dumbass to realise I was the only one searching.


  24. #23
    Senior Member
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    Default Re: Have you ever felt "such a tw@t"?

    I was giving an hour long presentation in front of an audience of 200+ students and parents on the gripping subject of the 'Student Finance Scheme' when 10 minutes in I realised I was busting for a piss.
    One of those ones that has you hopping around clutching your dinkle coz it's so bad.
    I admitted my issue, which was obvious, got the biggest laugh of the night, was ushered out stage left, did my piss, reentered the arena and fucking nailed my presentation.
    Felt a proper twat but everyone remembered it!!


  25. #24

    Default Re: Have you ever felt "such a tw@t"?

    Quote Originally Posted by congo_red View Post
    At a works Christmas do, several pints in...I walked into the Ladies Toilets instead of the Gents, in eyeshot of the group I had been conversing with. Literally no chance of styling it out or pretending it didn't happen.
    First week as a PT for Virgin Active I meant to leave the poolside via the male changing rooms. Walked through the wrong door to see a women stood in front of me stark naked blow drying her hair. Turned around and bolted. Thought that was me sacked. Premium City of London gym, members didn't tend to let much pass. Didn't hear anything of it though.


  26. #25
    Senior Member
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    Default Re: Have you ever felt "such a tw@t"?

    Years ago, I sent a really sexy dirty text to the Abbey National in error. Oooops.

    I cringe to this day thinking of the text voice messaging service they probably had.

    'Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings' - Salvador Dali 1904-1989

    I think 'odd' is a good thing. Oddness shows originality, uniqueness and a desire to be different from the masses. Oddness is, maybe, only deemed 'odd' by the majority who are considered less odd but only by their own blinkered observations and understanding. Oddness should never be criticised but be encouraged to nurture, develop individualism and to explore the mind rather than conform to expectation and 'normality'. Many of the world's greatest works of art and prose were born from those minds many considered to be 'odd'.
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