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  1. #1
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    In view of the 'I've Just...' Thread being hijacked by 'I once...' Stories and after repeated clamouring from the masses (ok one post from Winnits) I have started this thread in which I hope I will hear many amusing tales of misfortune, mixup and misbehaviour. We need a break from the Billy's Great/ Billy's shit threads anyway

    Oh FFS.

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  3. #2
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    Default Re: The "I once...." thread

    ...appeared as an extra in a film with Robert de Niro and Jean Reno.

    "Ronin", for that was the film, is a tale set mostly in France of a mysterious briefcase and the agents who wish to take possession of it. I lived in Paris at the time they were shooting there (a number of streets around La Tour-Maubourg were closed to allow filming of a car chase, and a number if locals were invited to line the streets during filing and act with pretend-surprise when the stunt cars came hooning round the corner).

    Jean Reno came over and introduced himself - he was a really decent guy.

    „I believe in socialism because it seems more humanitarian, rather than every man for himself and 'I'm alright jack' and all those arsehole businessmen with all the loot. I made up my mind from viewing society from that angle. That's where I'm from and there's where I've made my decisions from. That's why I believe in socialism“

    — Joe Strummer

  4. #3
    winnits
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    Default Re: The "I once...." thread

    I once gleefully bought a big Forest flag outside Wembley when we got to the FA Cup final in 1991. I bought it from an official Wembley vendor. Upon reaching the turnstile an arsehole policeman took great delight in confiscating the stick from the flag (a 1/3 inch at most piece of dowel rod that probably was less than a metre in length).

    My dad, brother and I discussed this with said policeman who wouldn't change his stance, despite other fans apparently going through the turnstiles with flagpoles.

    In the end we gave up and let him take it, and made a note of his number. From the entry way we could see him arseing around with the stick to impress a lady police officer he was standing with. We got into the seats and the entire stadium was awash with sticked flags waving and looking awesome. We were a bit pissed off but of course soon taken in by the atmosphere (and let's face it, we'd have more to be pissed off about soon enough!).

    Anyway.. fast forward to getting home. The injustice of everything wouldn't lie, so I wrote to Wembley and explained the situation - that I'd bought a product from an official vendor and had part of it confiscated by an over-zealous police officer. I also wrote to the Metropolitan Police to complain about said officer's behaviour in enforcing what I believed to be a non-existent rule.

    I never heard back from the Metropolitan Police at all, unsurprisingly.

    A couple of weeks later though I did receive a package from Wembley which was really exciting. There was a lovely letter apologising for the experience I'd had, and contained in the package was an alternative designed Forest flag with a pole.

    The pole was broken.

    I might have just killed this thread before it started


  5. #4
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    Default Re: The "I once...." thread

    I once ran for the bus wearing a crisp white shirt to hit the town,as I neared the bus stop starting to jog,I slipped on a stretch of soft slimey dog shit,fell on my back and the shit showered my shirt,got up slowly without looking at anyone and walked slowly past the back of the bus,as the bus pulled off I turned and looked up and at the back of the bus upstairs was a group of young lads pointing and pissing themselves,went home had a bath,the good old days...


  6. #5
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    Default Re: The "I once...." thread

    Quote Originally Posted by winnits View Post
    I once gleefully bought a big Forest flag outside Wembley when we got to the FA Cup final in 1991. I bought it from an official Wembley vendor. Upon reaching the turnstile an arsehole policeman took great delight in confiscating the stick from the flag (a 1/3 inch at most piece of dowel rod that probably was less than a metre in length).

    My dad, brother and I discussed this with said policeman who wouldn't change his stance, despite other fans apparently going through the turnstiles with flagpoles.

    In the end we gave up and let him take it, and made a note of his number. From the entry way we could see him arseing around with the stick to impress a lady police officer he was standing with. We got into the seats and the entire stadium was awash with sticked flags waving and looking awesome. We were a bit pissed off but of course soon taken in by the atmosphere (and let's face it, we'd have more to be pissed off about soon enough!).

    Anyway.. fast forward to getting home. The injustice of everything wouldn't lie, so I wrote to Wembley and explained the situation - that I'd bought a product from an official vendor and had part of it confiscated by an over-zealous police officer. I also wrote to the Metropolitan Police to complain about said officer's behaviour in enforcing what I believed to be a non-existent rule.

    I never heard back from the Metropolitan Police at all, unsurprisingly.

    A couple of weeks later though I did receive a package from Wembley which was really exciting. There was a lovely letter apologising for the experience I'd had, and contained in the package was an alternative designed Forest flag with a pole.

    The pole was broken.

    I might have just killed this thread before it started
    ... Invented the phrase 'teflonathon'


  7. #6
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    Default Re: The "I once...." thread

    Quote Originally Posted by chriscl View Post
    ...appeared as an extra in a film with Robert de Niro and Jean Reno.

    "Ronin", for that was the film, is a tale set mostly in France of a mysterious briefcase and the agents who wish to take possession of it. I lived in Paris at the time they were shooting there (a number of streets around La Tour-Maubourg were closed to allow filming of a car chase, and a number if locals were invited to line the streets during filing and act with pretend-surprise when the stunt cars came hooning round the corner).

    Jean Reno came over and introduced himself - he was a really decent guy.
    That's a great start! Can you see yourself in the film?


  8. #7
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    Default Re: The "I once...." thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Bonalair View Post
    That's a great start! Can you see yourself in the film?
    Not really clearly but I know where I was stood.

    During the scene where de Niro is handbrake-turning his Peugeot round a roundabout, there is a small bar/cafe in the background (it's called L'Atome, if you're ever in the area!) I was stood against the wall outside.


  9. #8
    winnits
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    Default Re: The "I once...." thread

    .. had my bum patted by Brian Clough's sister


  10. #9
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    Default Re: The "I once...." thread

    Quote Originally Posted by winnits View Post
    .. had my bum patted by Brian Clough's sister
    Was she a midwife?

    The beast is stirring yet again!! :devil:

    it has nothing to do with football or NFFC

  11. #10
    winnits
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    Default Re: The "I once...." thread

    No, but funnily enough one of the midwives who attended me was Viv Anderson's mum!


  12. #11
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    Default Re: The "I once...." thread

    Quote Originally Posted by winnits View Post
    I once gleefully bought a big Forest flag outside Wembley when we got to the FA Cup final in 1991.
    I once foolishly accepted a lift to that said same FA cup final from a work colleague who was also a (non game attending) Spudz fan. I had to pretend to be "really tired" and "slept" all the way back to Stratford upon Avon (where I lived) so I wouldn't have to listen to the armchair bastard gloating.


  13. #12
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    Default Re: The "I once...." thread

    I once travelled from Birmingham (where I lived - after leaving Stratford) to Nottingham to travel back to Birmingham on the train to see Villa vs Forest (we lost 3-1 and were shite) to travel back to Nottingham by train and then drive back to Birmingham. Just so I wouldn't miss the "away day" experience with my mates. I was a bit of a tit.


  14. #13
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    Default Re: The "I once...." thread

    Inspected Debbie Magee's Box while Paul Daniels watched.


  15. #14
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    Default Re: The "I once...." thread

    Shook hands with Jeremy Beadle.



    MOTHERFUCKINGDEXTERBLOODYBLACKSTOCKOHMYFUCKINGGODY ESGETINYOUMOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    FUCKINGHAVESOMEOFTHATYOUCUNTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  16. #15
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    Default Re: The "I once...." thread

    Quote Originally Posted by winnits View Post
    No, but funnily enough one of the midwives who attended me was Viv Anderson's mum!
    My brother in law knows her. Nice lady, got me a birthday card signed by Viv once.


  17. #16
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    My uncle played in the same Clifton All Whites team as Viv. His footballing career didn't manage to reach the same heights.


  18. #17
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    Default Re: The "I once...." thread

    I once had my foot run over by Gary Newbon - ITV match-day commentator - when we were leaving The Hawthorns after a particularly acrimonious match


  19. #18
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    Default Re: The "I once...." thread

    I once killed a family of four in a brutal attack because the father disliked my tent.

    Son i'm thirty, I only went with your mother cause she's dirty.

  20. #19
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    Was it a trouser tent?

    "Ive only met Andy....last week actually and can confirm he is in 2nd place in sexiest fucker on here stakes." -Barry

  21. #20

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    Saw Steve Stone floating around a lazy river in Florida..


  22. #21
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    Default Re: The "I once...." thread

    I once shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.


  23. #22
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    Default Re: The "I once...." thread

    Years ago when I was just a youngster, star struck met Barry Lyons, who whilst signing my autograph book, asked me where I stood at the games, gob smacked I told him the Bridgford end, ah thought I recognised you was the reply, I felt ten foot tall and understood what hero worship was all about !.


  24. #23
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    Default Re: The "I once...." thread

    I once got thrown out of Fhloston Paradise. A surreal experience, that day.

    By "relegation battle", do you mean 7th, 12th or 14th?

    Quote Originally Posted by willojack View Post
    flagman do me a f***ing favour remove me from this forum

  25. #24
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    Default Re: The "I once...." thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Col View Post
    I once shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.
    But now you're stuck in Folsom Prison, right?


  26. #25
    Enzo Molinari
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    I got thrown out of Sigmund Freuds house for eating a sandwich.


 

 

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