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Thread: Earnshaw fiction

      
  1. #1
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    Default Earnshaw fiction

    Did you know, Earnshaw is the only man to score a century in the premier league, and that his grandma was a sheep? FACT!

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  3. #2
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    Default Re: Earnshaw fiction

    I heard that his toe-nails are naturally green.


  4. #3
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    Default Re: Earnshaw fiction

    I heard that he can run backwards quicker than he can run forwards.

    And he was once runner-up in the Pro Celebrity All Wales Domino Championships. He lost to Aled Jones in the final.


  5. #4
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    Default Re: Earnshaw fiction

    He's the only man on earth who can lick his own tonsils.


  6. #5
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    Default Re: Earnshaw fiction

    His oversized cranial lobe contains a ferret in a wheel which performs the same functions as a brain. He has a brain as well, but it is purely decorative.


  7. #6

    Default Re: Earnshaw fiction

    He once tried to have an affair with Ralph The Wonder Llama, Ralph, however, had other ideas and promptly tried to rearrange his dental work.

    Earnshaw's hair is tended to by 34 Australian Sheep shearing champions.


  8. #7
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    Default Re: Earnshaw fiction

    Robert Earnshaw is an anagram of Horatio P Snooglegrub, famous purveyor of horse linctus

    Earnshaw's great aunt was renowned in Zambia as the fastest pizza delivery lady

    Earnshaw's forehead can be confused for the Sea of Tranquility in certain lights


  9. #8
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    Default Re: Earnshaw fiction

    Earnshaw was Dirby's best player last year


  10. #9
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    Default Re: Earnshaw fiction

    Robert Earnshaw was recently voted Derby County's 3rd greatest Earnshaw of all time by fans of the club.

    The poll, conducted my research group MORI, surveyed over 1000 sheep shagging f*ck wits.




  11. #10
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    Default Re: Earnshaw fiction

    Robert Earnshaw is alledgedly black, although Paul Ince disputes this


  12. #11
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    Default Re: Earnshaw fiction

    When Robert Earnshaw dives into a swimming pool, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Earnie'd.


  13. #12
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    Default Re: Earnshaw fiction

    Robert Earnshaw is still a serving member of the Welsh Assembly, and as such, is technically at war with England.


  14. #13

    Default Re: Earnshaw fiction

    Earnie has sired over 3000 offspring over the years with his semen being sold for over $3000 a barrell.

    The Vietnemese Pot-Bellied Pig population has more than doubled in this country since this innovation.


  15. #14
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    Default Re: Earnshaw fiction

    Earnshaw's football career started late, after an unfortunate incident in the great glass elevator curtailed his employment with the Wonka Corporation.


  16. #15
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    Default Re: Earnshaw fiction

    Robert Earnshaw lays eggs that aren't eggs. And that's as sure as eggs is eggs. Which they're not if they're Earnshaw eggs.


  17. #16
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    Default Re: Earnshaw fiction

    The width of Robert Earnshaw's head is used as the standard height measurement for all new skirting boards fitted within the EU.


  18. #17
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    Default Re: Earnshaw fiction

    Robert Earnshaw spends all of his not-footballing time tending to his quite magnificent garden. His lawn surpasses national bowling green standards.

    The only other member of the Forest squad who has such a keen interest in gardening is Junior Agogo, although the quality of his plants is open to conjecture as he insists on growing them in a darkened spare room in his house.


  19. #18

    Default Re: Earnshaw fiction

    Earnie is a keen Ornithologist and once spent five months on the trail of the lesser known Blue-collared Woo-woo bird, taking in such sights as Stoke Bardolph, Cheadle and the small Peruvian community of Aguas Calientes.




  20. #19
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    Default Re: Earnshaw fiction

    Some say he has the head of a martian and believes in the spirit of Clough...

    All we know is he's called Ernie!!


  21. #20
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    Default Re: Earnshaw fiction

    Earnshaw is a keen follower of the Arts, having played second triangle in the smash West End Musical - Deeply Dippy, The Right Said Fred Story

    He has also written a play based on Direby's Premiership season ad beyond. Loosely framed around the teletubbies it features Stinky Winky (a chunky character with a penchant for home made porn), Tipsy (the home supporters driven to drink), Haha (the rest of the country) and Ho (a Commons prostitute available to the highest bidder).


  22. #21
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    Default Re: Earnshaw fiction

    If Rob Earnshaw were a buoyancy aid, he'd be a water wing.


  23. #22
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    Default Re: Earnshaw fiction

    Earnshaw is paying 63% of Commons' wages ar Derby.

    Talk to me, Goose.

  24. #23
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    Default Re: Earnshaw fiction

    Prior to beginning his career as a professional footballer, Earnie also competes part time as a racing horse jockey.

    He is renowned globally as the world's smallest jockey.


  25. #24

    Default Re: Earnshaw fiction

    If Rob Earnshaw were a flight aid, he be a bird wing.

    If he were a convicted flight aid, he'd be a prison wing... (Groan...)

    Rob Earnshaw wrote the above joke.


  26. #25
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    Default Re: Earnshaw fiction

    If Rob Earnshaw were fast food he'd be a hot wing meal with corn on the cob.


 

 

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