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Thread: Pun Competition

  1. #1
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    Default Pun Competition

    MOSES was high on drugs when he received the Ten Commandments from God, a top academic claimed yesterday.

    Prof Benny Shannon believes Old Testament tales are records of visions brought on by hallucinogenic plants — similar to an acid trip.

    The psychology don at Jerusalem’s Hebrew University says the Bible’s stories suggest “ancient Israelites regarded psycho-active plants in high esteem”.

    Prof Shannon claims Moses got high on a drink called Ayahuasca, made out of potent plants that grow in southern Israel.

    He said: “They constitute the key ingredients of one of the most powerful psychedelic substances in existence.”

    The professor came up with his theory after trying the drink — still used in religious rituals by the Amazon people — and having similar visions.

    He claims FIVE events in Moses’ life were inspired by the drug, including the Ten Commandments and the Burning Bush miracle.


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  3. #2
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    Default Re: Pun Competition

    Now where in the bible does it say Moses got Stoned??

    The beast is stirring yet again!! :devil:

    it has nothing to do with football or NFFC

  4. #3
    Daniel
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    Default Re: Pun Competition

    Stone Moses


  5. #4
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    Default Re: Pun Competition

    Quote Originally Posted by Dan
    Stone Moses
    Excellent!


  6. #5
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    Default Re: Pun Competition

    Quote Originally Posted by Dan
    Stone Moses

    No one stands a chance at beating that!

    Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late.

    BRING BACK THE BANNER!

  7. #6
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    Default Re: Pun Competition

    Agreed. I nominate Dan to post a story.


  8. #7
    Daniel
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    Default Re: Pun Competition

    Thanks

    Once viewed as the wardrobe staple of grumpy old men, the humble cardigan is making a big come back thanks to male style icons like David Beckham.

    The knitted garment is flying off the shelves as young men in particular follow the example of their heroes.

    Even actors like Jude Law and Bond star Daniel Craig are influencing the masses by wearing the comfy garment, according to supermarket chain Asda.

    The George at Asda label sold more men's cardigans in the first two months of this year than in the past three years, the chain said, with 226,000 sold in January alone.

    Fiona Lambert, design director for the range, said: "The cardigan is an exceptionally versatile piece of clothing.

    "They look great with jeans, but when teamed with a suit guys become the male equivalent of the sexy librarian."


    A telephone survey conducted by George Menswear of 1,000 British adults at the end of February appeared to confirm the cardigan's image transformation from passion killer to "chick magnet" status.

    Nearly three-quarters of women found men in cardigans sexy, with 87% saying the cardigan denotes a man who is comfortable and confident with his sexuality.

    A man who wears a cardigan is seen to be reliable, husband material by 54% of women and 76% say seeing a man wearing one suggested an "air of intelligence".

    Some 48% of men aged 18-35 said they have worn a cardigan on a date, 23% have worn one to work, and 14% to a wedding.

    Traditionally sales of menswear are driven and bought by female shoppers.

    But the cardi has become the first item in George at Asda to buck this trend with men going into store and buying for themselves, according to the chain.


  9. #8
    Dinosaur Prick
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    Default Re: Pun Competition

    Knit's a knockout!


  10. #9

    Default Re: Pun Competition

    Cardi-again.


  11. #10
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    Default Re: Pun Competition

    WICHITA, Kansas (AP) -- Deputies say a woman in western Kansas became stuck on her boyfriend's toilet after sitting on it for two years.

    Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman's skin had grown around the seat. She initially refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out at a hospital.

    "We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital," Whipple said. "The hospital removed it."

    Whipple said investigators planned to present their report Wednesday to the county attorney, who will determine whether any charges should be filed against the woman's 36-year-old boyfriend.

    "She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body," Whipple said. "It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself."

    He told investigators he brought his girlfriend food and water, and asked her every day to come out of the bathroom.

    "And her reply would be, `Maybe tomorrow,"' Whipple said. "According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom."

    The boyfriend called police on February 27 to report that "there was something wrong with his girlfriend," Whipple said, adding that he never explained why it took him two years to call.

    Police found the clothed woman sitting on the toilet, her sweat pants down to her mid-thigh. She was "somewhat disoriented," and her legs looked like they had atrophied, Whipple said.

    "She said that she didn't need any help, that she was OK and did not want to leave," he said.

    She was taken to a hospital in Wichita, about 150 miles southeast of Ness City. Whipple said she has refused to cooperate with medical providers or law enforcement investigators.

    Authorities said they did not know if she was mentally or physically disabled.

    Police have declined to release the couple's names, but the house where authorities say the incident happened is listed in public records as the residence of Kory McFarren. No one answered his home phone number.

    The case has been the buzz Ness City, said James Ellis, a neighbor.

    "I don't think anybody can make any sense out of it," he said.

    Ellis said he had known the woman since she was a child but that he had not seen her for at least six years.

    He said she had a tough childhood after her mother died at a young age and apparently was usually kept inside the house as she grew up. At one time the woman worked for a long-term care facility, he said, but he did not know what kind of work she did there.

    "It really doesn't surprise me," Ellis said of the bathroom incident. "What surprises me is somebody wasn't called in a bit earlier."


  12. #11
    Dinosaur Prick
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    Default Re: Pun Competition

    Loosing it.


  13. #12
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    Default Re: Pun Competition

    Funny Farmitage Yanks


  14. #13
    AKA Randy Bumgardener
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    Default Re: Pun Competition

    Bum-Wrap

    'The cross came in from Majewski, and Blackstock slid in, Gabriel Tamas attached to him in the manner in which a baby chimpanzee clings to its mother' Dexter Blackstock vs West Brom


  15. #14
    Living the dream
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    Default Re: Pun Competition

    Does my bum look big in this?


  16. #15
    Miserable bastard
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    Default Re: Pun Competition

    Bogged down


  17. #16
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    Default Re: Pun Competition

    Feeling flushed


  18. #17
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    Default Re: Pun Competition

    Bogged down and skint


  19. #18
    Daniel
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    Default Re: Pun Competition

    Pan-Tastic


  20. #19
    Miserable bastard
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    Default Re: Pun Competition

    Are wee sitting comfortably?


  21. #20

    Default Re: Pun Competition

    Definative proof that when a woman says she will be five minutes, she's lying.


  22. #21
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    Default Re: Pun Competition

    Home a Throne


  23. #22
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    Default Re: Pun Competition

    Couples long engagement.


  24. #23
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    Default Re: Pun Competition

    Loo-pee Fi-Ass-Co


  25. #24
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    Default Re: Pun Competition

    Quote Originally Posted by Dadford
    Couples long engagement.
    Gets my vote.


  26. #25
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    Default Re: Pun Competition

    Best name yet.


 

 

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